Psych
by StandingOnTheRooftops
Summary: The reason why I never let my teen sister near my fics. Rated T for mentioning of yaoi/slash, lots of swear words, a graphic definition of the word yaoi, and my very hentai minded sister. This is pure comedy, and no, I didn't make Shawn gay!


Originally posted under Xovers, but no reviews... maybe it'll do better here.

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**_Psych_**

AN: I was watching one of my favorite shows the other day... Psych of course, Shawn is so sexy... and Gus is so sexy, too. And it got me thinking... this could be rearranged to make one hell of a fanfic.

Warnings and such: yaoi; 3x4; humor; romance. Rated T for now.

Summary: The set up is that Quatre is a telepathic cop... well, duh!... and a certain green-eyed hunk has a crush on him. With the help of his braided best-friend, an ultra-observant Trowa pretends to be a psychic in order to get close to Quatre. With Dorothy as a psycho police-woman, and Heero as their police-chief boss, can things get any more hilarious? Well, when you add Sally as a hospital doctor, Releena as a snooty-rich girl and Wufei as an uber-uptight Interpol officer... not to mention Zechs and Noin... to the picture... yes... it can get even more hilarious.

Oh... I'm an evil genius aren't I?

**Shawn:** *sets down coffee cup* Actually, that's not really an evil genius. Twisted. Sick. Psychotic. Downright weird, yes. But evil? Maybe, maybe not. Genius... we'll see.

**Delilah:** Alright, point taken. Now what are you doing here?

**Shawn:** *shrugs* Commentary.

**Ruth:**Me, too! *glomps Shawn*

**Delilah:***falls back when her sister pops up from nowhere. sighs* Ruth... what are you doing in my fanfic?

**Ruth:**You promised that after the wedding, I'd get to help with a fic! Since you won't let me anywhere near 'How To Save A Life' with a ten foot pole because you say I'm too young to read lemons, I'm just going to claim this one!

**Delilah:**Damn straight! You're my baby sister. I don't even like you reading those mushy Harlequin romances, so why would I want you to write yaoi lemons?

**Ruth:**I'm not a baby, you know? I am a mature young lady, who happens to have already read quite a few yaoi lemon fics. *sticks tongue out*

**Delilah:***sighs, throws up hands in defeat* Fine, fine, you can help with this one... just don't interrupt, kay?

**Ruth:***squeals in delight* Don't forget the disclaimer! DJ and I don't own Psych, GW, or Shawn.... *looks over*... but we could fix that last part, right?

**Shawn:** *gulps, rolls eyes, and fights Ruth off* My heart belongs to my fair Juliette. You cannot seduce me away.

**Ruth:** Darn.

**Delilah:***sweatdrops* Anyway, on with the show...

~~~~~{*}~~~~~

Chapter One

Duo read the sign with an odd look on his face. "A psychic? Trow-babe, come on. You've got to do better than that. There are any number of ways to get that Blondie to like you. But pretending to be a psychic? That's just anal."

Trowa shrugged. "We need a job anyway. It fits."

"Sure... I'm uber smart, uber sexy, and uber everything... and you're really really observant. How does that equal psychic in your book?"

Trowa shrugged again. "We can make it work. Remember, Dad's got connections in the police force."

Duo rolled his eyes. Treize Kushrenada was a devil for details... and he'd instilled his adopted son with a very annoying gift for picking them out. **(AN by Ruth: Sorry for the interruption, but just a few warnings Delilah forgot. It's AU, if you didn't notice. And yes, our favorite bad guy is Trowa's dad. And yes... 'Blondie' is Quatre, everyone's favorite guy in pink.)**

**Shawn:** Wait! What? Hold up! Hit the breaks! Guy? Please tell me you're not making my character gay! Where's my Juliette? My rose?

**Delilah**: Geez, it's GW... it pretty much wouldn't be if it were anyone but Trowa and Quatre. It's the only thing that really makes GW... GW...

**Shawn:** But, but, but....

**Ruth:** What about all the times you joked around with Gus on the show? How many times did you pretend to be a gay couple?

**Shawn:** Pretend. That's a whole different ball-field here, girls. Pretend. And don't you watch the show? I'm in love with Jules. She's in love with me. Get it?

**Delilah:** Yeah. I never said you were gay.

**Shawn: **I refuse to let you butcher my reputation. What would Jules think? Telling me I'm gay. Phhh. Next thing you know, you're going to say that Walking Tall was played by the Rock.

**Delilah:***sweatdrops- again* Umm... yeah. It was, actually.

**Shawn:**Was he the blonde chick? Cause let me tell you she looked awfully...

**Delilah:** Shawn, your point?

**Shawn:**You're ruining my life here. Like telling a kid Santa Clause doesn't exist. Like telling a geek that Trish Stratus didn't play Agent White's weird psycho commando chick on Dark Angel.

**Ruth:** *Raises eyebrow* No. It wasn't, really. That was Lita, not Trish.

**Shawn:**Ohhh! So then, does that mean Triple H was the guy in the Marine, then?

**Delilah:**No. That was John Cena.

**Shawn:**John Cena? I thought he was in Wrestlemaniac, right?

**Ruth:***raises eyebrow- again* Negative. That would be Rey Mysterio.

**Shawn:** Then who was the guy in Behind Enemy Lines: Columbia?

**Delilah:** That would be Mr. Kennedy.

**Shawn:** Ah-ha! Then who's doing Twelve Rounds?

**Delilah:**John Cena... again.

**Shawn:** But I thought that he was in Doom?

**Ruth:** Wrong. The Rock.

**Shawn:** But wait... wasn't he in the Game Plan?

**Delilah:**YES! YES! YES! YES! Damnit! Yes. Now can we please get back to our other stupid pointless argument?

**Shawn:** What? Where were we? Oh, yeah. You called me gay. Weird horny women!

**Delilah:** *rolls eyes* I did not call you gay. But I will if you don't shut up.

**Shawn:** I'm simply stating a fact here. I'm not gay. And I'm not going to let you of all people write some story based on me being gay!

**Gus:** *walking into the room, followed by Duo* What's wrong, Shawn? Not afraid to let your feminine side show?

**Shawn:** I'm not going to be gay! Absolutely not! I refuse to let you use my show as a basis for this, this, this monstrosity!

**Delilah:***rolls eyes* What? What did you think YAOI meant?

**Ruth:** Boys boinking boys? Boys rimming boys, boys on boys, boys doing boys, boys...

**Delilah:** *shudders, whispers* my baby sister... that is so wrong.

**Shawn:**Eeh! Someone please shut her up!

**Ruth:** Boys going down on boys, boys sticking their....

**Duo:** Dude! We get the picture! *giggles* And what a wonderful image it is!

**Delilah:***smacks Duo on the back of the head; death glares Ruth into silence* Come on, Shawn, be a man! Live a little. It's just a story, and technically it's not you, it's Trowa. I don't here him complaining...

**Duo:** nope, he's too busy in the back, right now. Don't think he's going to complain.

**Delilah**: *blinks* In the back... now what's he doing back there?

**Duo:** *shudders* Please... don't ask me that.

**Ruth:***perks up, grins evilly and coos* Hentai!

**Gus:**You mean... him and the blond?

**Duo:**Who else? You didn't think it was Heero... did you? Now that would just be sick- plus, I'd kick both of their asses.

**Shawn:** What the hell are you guys talking about? Why am I so lost all of a sudden? Is this all some kind of code? It's like watching a group of toddlers talk. You know they're saying something important.. but you have not idea what the hell it is. Who the hell is a hero?

**Gus:***rolls eyes* Heero Yuy is the leading character from an anime called Mobile Suit Gundam Wing... don't you know anything? We saw a booth on them at that comic-con.

**Shawn:** We saw a bunch of booths at that stupid thing. Now will someone tell me what the hell's going on?

**Ruth:***grins again* Hentai. Probably boys f%$&*# boys.

**Duo:** *gasps, slams hand against Ruth's mouth, but too late*

**Delilah:***shudders; death glares Ruth, again* Come on guys, shut up already. Shawn... Trowa and Quatre are gay. And if Duo isn't lying...

**Duo:**I don't lie, remember? I might stretch the truth a teeny bit, but I don't li...

**Delilah:**And if Duo's not lying... Trowa and Quatre are in the back... together *twists her index fingers together* right now.

**Shawn:** *eyes widen* You mean...

**Duo:***hand still clasped on Ruth's mouth* YES! They're having sex! Right now, right as we speak! They're having hot, monkey, flip you umpf umpffff,uump, umpffffffff!

**Delilah:** *her hand firmly clasped over Duo's mouth* Now I see where Ruth's getting it from. *glances at readers* Sorry about that. We don't really need the details, Duo. Trying to keep this at 'T' rating right now. And I think Shawn gets that picture just clearly.

**Shawn:** Yeah, I think I get it... but what about this hero character?

**Gus:**If you'd been paying attention, you'd know that in the mainstream of Gundam Wing Fanfiction, mainly the yaoi faction, Duo and Heero are considered an item.

**Shawn:**Eeee... you mean another gay couple?

**Delilah:**You say that like it's a bad thing. I'm pretty sure there are fics out there on the Web somewhere that portray you and Gus here as an item.

**Shawn and Gus:** WHAT!! WHERE!!! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!

**Duo:** *smirks, prys DJ's hand away* You two would make a great couple... right Ruth-y?

**Ruth:** Yeah... but I'd rather have Shawn for myself... yummy! *odd gleam comes in her eyes*

**Shawn:***sees Ruth* Yikes! Mommy! *runs away screaming with Ruth hot on his heels. She gives up as he runs out the door. Moments later Wufei enters, a confused look on his face*

**Duo:**Hiya, wuffers!

**Wufei:**Maxwell! My name is not Wuffers!

**Ruth:***patting Wufei's shoulder* Of course, not, Wu-baby. Now... how about making me forget all about that cruel, mean, old Shawn Spencer?

**Wufei:**Who? What? Maxwell? Why is this crazy onna talking to me?

**Duo:***laughing hysterically* But wuffers, you two make such a cute couple!

**Wufei:** What? *shakes his head* I'm confused.

*Trowa and Quatre walk in, followed by a red-faced Heero*

**Heero:** Why didn't anyone tell me they were.... preoccupied?

**Duo:***shrugs*You didn't ask. And I didn't think it mattered. If you'da been here, you would have known not to go back there. Now... who's going to help me help Ruth, here, strip Wu-man out of his cute little boxers?

**Wufei:** What? *turns to star running out the same way Shawn did, but finds himself held by four pairs of hands.* What's going on? SALLY! HELP ME!

**Delilah:**Awww... what'd you have to go and call her for? Now, no-one will get to have any fun! *pouts some more* And now... you've made me go and forget the whole damn story! Stupid Sister! Stupid Gundam Pilots! Stupid wannabe psychic! Stupid stupid-heads!

**Sally:***enters room* Wufei? What's wrong? What's going on here?

**Ruth:**Awww! No fair!

**Delilah:***new gleam in her eye*: That's it! I'm forgetting you! Jeff was right... Sisters and Gundam Wing are both sooooooooooooooo overrated. I'm going to go write a Power Rangers fic! Hah! take that! And I'll make it a cross over and have Sally and... and.... and... Piggy... get together! Muahahaha! I _am _an evil genius!

**Sally:** *raises her eyebrow* Is this girl clinically insane?

**Duo:***shrugs* I don't know. But she sure is cute! Ow...[ Heero pinched his arm] Jeez... I was just saying is all!

**Delilah:** All right! Everyone out! Out, out out! You've spoiled my mood now! I have to plot my revenge! First on that no good Spencer... and then on a certain blond doctor!

**Sally:** *looks at Gus* Is she referring to me?

**Delilah:** OUT, OUT, OUT! Get out!

The END.


End file.
